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I tried consoling myself that even if I failed I could die smiling at the reality that abounds the terrible suffering in this world. I had not the faintest clue of the selfishness this attitude might incarnate, so focused was I on the project of not letting my overwhelming urgency ruin all your work and all my hopes to help heal the world. I will not give up.
I have not given up. I gave myself a dream so awful I can not even confess it here, but make myself look at it for what the buddha has to say about what helps block me and I am paying attention.
pipe up any time....
