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This might be a good time to address the business about so many who see that Putin is not the bad guy on the world stage nevertheless sure he represents monsters. It could be true. It could be horse shit that is eeeeeeeeasy to believe because that's how it goes in our entire lives. Good guys get assassinated. Only major fuckers of historic proportions can stay alive in power. By the very nature of it, whoever's in power is either a psychopath or backed by psychopaths. Right?
If we have not been stupid enough to settle for the boatloads of crap from the propaganda mills, we still are certain of this much, right? We did not just fall off the turnip truck, after all, and so whatever nines has to say in refutation of our default assumption, here, is going to be airy-fairy as it gets. Fine.
You don't have to grok my way of knowing things.
Despite all the intimations that people quite more demonstrably Christian than anyone we've encountered in Western "Civilization" are the power structure that supports him, I can still cede that there may be some not very nice guys in the coalition of power brokers who support Vladimir Putin. That seems reasonable even to me.
But I have wanted to know about him extremely intensely for many years. It has seemed vital to me to know about him since before most other people were really bothering with what might be true about him and what might be blather, and that would be because of the trauma of reading that long piece in The Atlantic about the state of post-Soviet Russia. I think I read it in 2000. In any case, it would have been between the summer of 1999 and the spring of 2001. I did not start making much headway on this until 2005, when I finally got online for real. So, I've been on this like white on rice for, we could say, at least ten years, because it did start well before I got online.
At first it was because I wanted to know if he was attending to the desperate conditions, and how, but it grew into me wanting to know what kind of intention he had toward the countries we were attacking and threatening to attack. Even as I know China has had a great deal to do with the security or lack thereof of these nations, and Medvedev is important too, Putin has remained the lynchpin in my estimation, the indispensable one.
Not wanting to be duped any more than anyone else, I've been pretty vigilant about watching for chinks in his armor, cracks in that facade. It isn't a facade. My inability to understand or read Russian may be my Achilles Heel, but not even the translated pieces I've found have shown any indication the picture I have been getting is off. So, admitting here that my research may not be infallible, it's still chock full of authorities, enough to satisfy the prissiest judge, okay? And I have checked in a way very few humans in history ever checked... ever knew was possible to check.
Some of you might remember my dreams about him, where I'd find myself in Russia, stalking Vladimir Putin. The first one I was just in an apartment and Putin and Medvedev were bounding up the stairs, laughing about popping in to visit Putin's most pathetic stalker. It dawned on me they must be laughing about me. I was bewildered by this news until Putin was just inches from me... until it was completely, utterly, indivisibly, real. Medvedev stayed in the doorway. Putin came up that close to me and told me no. He was banishing me. He was brimming with love for me and telling me there will be none of this.
The second one was me actually stalking him, not just finding myself somewhere and surprised to learn I was a stalker. I was on the street in front of his palace, by the mailbox, trying at once to be nobody and somebody he should notice. Lots of coming and going. Suddenly finding myself in his palace, in his bed, and he's coming back from some official duty to spruce up for another. He just came to stand beside the bed, extremely smartly-dressed, and told me, no, really, with the same intensely loving spirit. I have to go. For my own good.
Not one doubt of the core connection, but, still, go away. Despite how utterly unmistakable it had been the first time, it had come when I was asleep, and I'd needed to be certain kind of certain. He seemed to completely understand this, and so was not stern. Just seamlessly radiating tidal love and no.
I've had other dreams with him in them, but those two were the first, and, surprise polar bears as they were, were not "just dreams". They were the answer to my deepest inquiry, to the intensity of my needing to know, to my core intention. He loves me. That's why he's doing what he's doing.
