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Because I somehow know that Alec Baldwin, an idiot from groupthink who is one of the best actors ever born, was booted off an airplane for not minding a flight attendant, or something of that ilk. I forget the details, if I even got them, but I think he was playing a computer game or blathering on TwitFace and someone told him not to. Peggy subjects me to her TiVo'd faves. I'd just endured Dr. Phil dressing down some couples addled by marital infidelity, and evidently one of the wives had bust her rival upside the head with a phonebook. So then when there was some inscrutable crawl at the bottom, I think, of the Daily Show, Peggy, whose glasses actually work, read aloud about Alec in dutch for disobedience.
I said, "He should have hit her in the head with his laptop."
I meant it. What's WRONG with him? I didn't mean it as in cause grievous head wounds, just a nice stout smack to knock the sense back into her... well... or him... I guess flight attendants come in all genders nowadays.
Think of it as being sort of like that old commercial where someone gets smacked and says, "Thanks, sir. I needed that." They need that. Think of it as being sort of like the old Rinzai masters who bonked some guy awake in the Zendo, or the even older Chinese masters who smacked sense into addled types regularly. No, no, they didn't always do it. They used shock therapy, and that only sometimes involves breaking someone's arm. A great belly laugh while someone's fuming wastefully over some awful thing can work. Poking some potentate and then falling to the ground holding your sides in helpless laughter can work.
Think of it as being sort of like when you are having to become the pack leader for a really fucked up dog. You get a little newspaper or magazine or phonebook, whatever's appropriate to the size of the afflicted dog, and you start wailing on him as though you are murdering him, as though you are his pack leader, only it's just a lot of noise and shock instead of bits being literally torn from his flesh. You make the dog think he's about to die without harming a hair on his body. The cardboard center of a gift wrapping roll is EXCELLENT for feigned dog murder. Guaranteed to keep them from pooping on the rug ever again. DOGS get it.
So flight attendants, and TSA agents, can too.
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