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10:45am
There are just some days when I should not look at the internet at all. I am really losing it over the feeding myself thing. They are trying to kill me, and it takes more energy and acuity to deal with this appropriately than I have at the ready on any given trip to the grocery store. So, befuzzled, I'm here groping for the burner knob to get the water hot for some coffee, fumbling with my thyroid pills bottles, trying to get in front of at least most of my email accounts, and damn well should not have hit the refresh button on my YouTube subscriptions feed before the morning coffee debacle was behind me.
I have to go back again to the ancients to find my day, let this doom feeling from a fucked up hero being thrown for at least half his life into the slammer for having done something any of us should have leapt to do, had we but the opportunity. I still can't get past my feeling that something is bad wrong with this picture beside the obviously bad wrong part of arresting him and charging him. Like I said before, maybe truth is just this much actually stranger than fiction, but whatever! No matter what, even if there have been fictions at work here, just taking it at face value, the guys who slaughtered those journalists and innocent civilians are free and Brad's in jail till he's my age?
If I could get in the tub and soak, my head could make my body stop holding onto these sympathy pains.
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3:45pm
So I went off in search of the rest of the world. I didn't have to go far. Everyone from everywhere is here. And they all drive like total nitwits. I have counted to ten many times from originally posting this. I have called some of my fellow motorists some ugly names. But, all in all, everyone lived. Everyone got what they came for. And they are all now out there and not in here. So I can sit here with a fresh cup of mud and rue my bathtub shortage some more.
I purchased today, with my grocery money, a really gorgeous Kitchen Aid hand blender. It was on big sale, and I have wanted one for a very long time. It seemed precisely right to buy it today when I'm nearly melting down about the price of the less poisonous food that really isn't as good as I need it but the best I can do anyway. I have found over my life that giving a homeless guy some money, or buying something I want really badly instead of food, does help me out of the existential terror zone, despite being beyond my means.
It's like my thing with coffee. When I first embraced poverty, never dreaming it would get this bad, I figured I could just quit being so hoity-toity about my coffee thing, just generally be way more frugal and everything would work out. Within a few weeks I realized the coffee was not going to be a negotiable item. It didn't stop making me feel too deprived. I can shop in the free bin for my clothes, no sweat, but the coffee thing? Not so much. It didn't take me long to realize that I could skip a lunch or two and afford my Peet's. After I moved up here I realized I could get it delivered to my house for less than I'd have to pay for it at the grocery store, there being no Peet's stores up here, and, what with all the inflation, I'm still in the missing a couple of lunches zone on my coffee thing.
Now I can make my probiotic shakes without so much of it being left clinging to the blender. That really fries my cookies and I'm always trying to dig down there with my fingers, getting poked by the damn blades. Same with smoothies. Same with whipped cream. Just about every milky thing I whip up. Plus, I can now get the cocoa completely blended into my milk instead of shaking it till I'm blue and it still not blending. No more bleeding fingers and a totally chic gizmo I can really use.
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6:45pm
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It's going to start raining hard on some of the burning forest south of me any minute... and there is a big hope and definite possibility it will cover much of what is burning in Oregon by tomorrow, too. If we gotta endure thunderstorms at this time of year, it is a great idea for them to bring lots and lots of rain. Maybe it will get the better of the blazes already going and prevent new ones from igniting. I am going to look at it this way. I am going to be big rain for a five hundred mile radius.
Then I have to figure out what to be that will remove all the filth from the geoengineering before everything is dead of it.
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